Recently, a few of the refugees from madness expats from far off places in my office have been applying for their Australian citizenship test. They get a big book full of facts and figures and polito-historical mumbo jumbo which they are told they must study and prepare to answer questions on. The results of this test will determine their suitability to take the oath and become a citizen.

I looked at the manual, and let me tell you, I am not convinced.

I think there are some fundamental aspects not covered by the manual and thus have started to compile a list of questions that should be answered to determine true ‘stray’ness of spirit.

Q. What are the two animals on the Australian Coat of Arms?
A1. A rodent and a bird
A2. Roadkill
A3. Delicious

Q. If you wake up a little worse for wear after a big night out, you should reach for the black Aspirin … this is:
A1. The colour of Aspirin in Australia
A2. The colour of the hair of the dog
A3. A piece of Vegemite smeared toast  

Q. What are the words that follow the immortal line “Am I ever going to see your face again?”
A1. bloody strewth you’re a needy bugger!
A2. Fucknoath! Every friday at the pub!
A3. No way! Get fucked! Fuck off! 

Q. To an Australian, swearing is a form of:
A1. Obligatory public act to enforce the convict stereotype for the tourists 
A2. An antiquated dialect, similar to gaelic.
A3.  What the fuck is your bloody problem? Something crawl up y’arse? What’s wrong with the fucking way I fucking talk? Y’are just taking the fucking piss aren’tya? Fucking drongo!

Q. Something horrible has happened … what should you do?
A1. Organise a protest march and raise awareness to rectify the problem
A2. Blame the government and demand an election
A3. Don’ worry about it mate, she’ll be right in the mornin’ …

So, that’s my start … Feel free to re-blog and add your own …