That’s it’s totally acceptable to respond with “yeah, nah”
Every time a glass breaks, you automatically shout “Taxi!”
When you laugh at your friend for falling over and spilling his beer then a minute later say “Fark, you alright mate?”
You know the meaning of the word “girt”.
You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
That an insult is a greeting (your best friend is “a total farkin’ bastard”)
Someone you really, truly despise is talked about reasonably politely (That Abbot’s “a bit of a bastard”)
You know that the Angels’ song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again contains 6 additional words that must, by law, be sung at every rendition!
A Wagon Wheel is a confectionary item - and by the gods - it’s become smaller with every passing year!
You think “Toowoomba”, “Woolloomooloo”, “Humpybong” and “Poowong” are perfectly reasonable names for places.
You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife
You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose instead of something illegal (like washing the car or watering the garden)
You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your child’s pencil case when they’re off to school
When you hear that an American “roots for his team” you always wonder how often and with whom
You understand that the phrase “a group of women wearing black thongs” is less alluring than it sounds - because it refers to their footwear
You understand it’s pronounced “Mel-bin” not “Mel-born”
You believe the “L” in the word “Australia” is optional.
You can translate: “Dazza and Shazza from Wagga played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas near the Gabba with Macca”
You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin.
You understand that “Wagga Wagga” can be abbreviated to “Wagga” but “Woy Woy” can’t be called “Woy”.
While the rest of the world thinks it’s it’s cooked-down axle grease, you know that the thick salty sludge scraped from beer barrels is a good breakfast spread and hangover cure
You believe all famous Kiwis are automatically given Australian citizenship … until they stuff up, at which point citizenship is revoked and are instantly Kiwis again
You still don’t get why the “Labor” in “Australian Labor Party” is not spelt with a “u”.
You wear “uggies” (ugg boots) … yeah, outside the house.
You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian, but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance
You believe that the more you like someone, the more you have to shorten their name
Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in practically every Asian language
You understand that “excuse me” sounds rude … the polite term is “scuse me”
You know what it’s like to swallow a fly … and on occasion it was via your nose
You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle
You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call “Anzac cookies”
You still think of Kylie as “that sheila off Neighbours”
When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - you know - just in case you’re trying to sneak in some fruit
When working on a bar, you understand why people feel the need to offer an excuse for why they’re ordering low-alcohol beers.
You get all chuffed by the first verse of the national anthem and then can’t remember any of the second verse …
You read the government’s new test for migrants and find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed “essential”
You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one ever says “cobber”.
