xntrek


  1. In honour of Australia Day: You know you’re ‘Strayan When …

    • That’s it’s totally acceptable to respond with “yeah, nah” 
    • Every time a glass breaks, you automatically shout “Taxi!”
    • When you laugh at your friend for falling over and spilling his beer then a minute later say “Fark, you alright mate?”
    • You know the meaning of the word “girt”.
    • You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
    • That an insult is a greeting (your best friend is “a total farkin’ bastard”) 
    • Someone you really, truly despise is talked about reasonably politely (That Abbot’s “a bit of a bastard”)
    • You know that the Angels’ song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again contains 6 additional words that must, by law, be sung at every rendition!
    • A Wagon Wheel is a confectionary item - and by the gods - it’s become smaller with every passing year!
    • You think “Toowoomba”, “Woolloomooloo”, “Humpybong” and “Poowong” are perfectly reasonable names for places.
    • You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife
    • You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose instead of something illegal (like washing the car or watering the garden)
    • You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your child’s pencil case when they’re off to school
    • When you hear that an American “roots for his team” you always wonder how often and with whom
    • You understand that the phrase “a group of women wearing black thongs”  is less alluring than it sounds - because it refers to their footwear
    • You understand it’s pronounced “Mel-bin” not “Mel-born” 
    • You believe the “L” in the word “Australia” is optional.
    • You can translate: “Dazza and Shazza from Wagga played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas near the Gabba with Macca”
    • You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
    • You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin.
    • You understand that “Wagga Wagga” can be abbreviated to “Wagga” but “Woy Woy” can’t be called “Woy”.
    • While the rest of the world thinks it’s it’s cooked-down axle grease, you know that the thick salty sludge scraped from beer barrels is a good breakfast spread and hangover cure
    • You believe all famous Kiwis are automatically given Australian citizenship … until they stuff up, at which point citizenship is revoked and are instantly Kiwis again
    • You still don’t get why the “Labor” in “Australian Labor Party” is not spelt with a “u”.
    • You wear “uggies” (ugg boots) … yeah, outside the house.
    • You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian, but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance
    • You believe that the more you like someone, the more you have to shorten their name
    • Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in practically every Asian language
    • You understand that “excuse me” sounds rude … the polite term is “scuse me”
    • You know what it’s like to swallow a fly … and on occasion it was via your nose
    • You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle
    • You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call “Anzac cookies”
    • You still think of Kylie as “that sheila off Neighbours”
    • When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - you know - just in case you’re trying to sneak in some fruit
    • When working on a bar, you understand why people feel the need to offer an excuse for why they’re ordering low-alcohol beers.
    • You get all chuffed by the first verse of the national anthem and then can’t remember any of the second verse … 
    • You read the government’s new test for migrants and find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed “essential”
    • You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one ever says “cobber”.

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