1. Five things I said (or texted)

    1. I’m sick of hearing sorry, I’m sick of being apologised to when you still aren’t actually doing anything. “Sorry” is not an action!

    2. All I want to hear is “yes, sir, you’re right, we will deploy the seventh district blind Boy Scout division to look for it”

    3. You realise an ageing, crippled, starving, blind chihuahua could have dragged that box across Melbourne faster than your freight and logistics service has?

    4. My body shape, is watermelon!

    5. Stop! Don’t talk! I want to hold onto the illusion that you’re an intelligent, normal member of society for a few more seconds.